I'm not a child anymore

Everyone thinks I do too many drugs.
Everyone is stupid.

 I did a ton of coke last night. Went to a party at the beachhouse and met a guy I actually knew when I was little but didn't remember. It was rad. He was rad. Chrissy and Marissa are my new bffs. Marissa is hot. And cool. She fits in with me and Chrissy well. She's crazy! She's not as crazy as us, but she's pretty cool anyway. I like her.

They made a giant fire and it was cold, but when you were by the first it was hot! There were so many people I don't remember their names, but they were pretty cool. One guy had those giant sticks with fire on each end and he was juggling fire! It was sweet. And these other guys had these like african instruments and were playing.

The beachouse has this room (the guys that live there are in a band) and the room is all turn tables and micrphones and guitars and lots of other fun toys! It also has a really cool palm tree that makes me happy. It's a pretty weird room, but it was super cool. I'd probably never have a room like that in my house when I grow up.

Oh yeah! And they gave me the last copy of their CD! I was feeling pretty special.

And when we played "I have never" me and Joe were the only ones that have never had a penis inside us!

So after the party, we went back to Joe's and slept. I have a problem sleeping at Joe's and I only slept for like 3 hours. Probably the god forsaken couch (eww). So Amy came and picked me up while everyone else was sleeping and took me home. I just wanted to go back to sleep I had a terrible headache and I felt so strung out. So, we went home and got really high so I could sleep.  And right when we were about to lay down, my family called me downstairs and made us go shopping with them! It was WEIRD seriously WEIRD!!!! But I got two new dress dresses and a pair of shoes. I think I'll look pretty hot this summer. Yup.

Coke is a really interesting drug.
I can't decide completely...
But I think I still like ecstacy more.

I would like to do more acid, but Chrissy doesn't really like acid that much anymore. She says she's done with acid. She has done a lot in her day, but now who am I going to do it with?

I guess I'll have to find some really cool new drug friends.

Anyone interesed?

My style is so crazy.
I think you like it baby.
Do you want to get nasty?
I dare you to undress me.

Last night I did coke for the first time. Wow. So much to say...

So after I snorted two lines I puked. But right after I puked I felt so much better. So I did more. Me and Chrissy snorted all the coke she had and then crushed up xanax (is that how you spell it?) and snorted that. It was an odd feeling, xanax and coke.

Coming down from coke really sucks so much, but it's worth it. I really liked it, but I still think I like ecstacy more. Maybe next time I won't be sick though and it will be even more amazing. I don't know it's hard to decide between drugs. They're all so different. Coke and ecstacy are the same, but different at the same time. I don't know. I'm crazy.

So this morning I was feeling pretty shitty and Amy was like "so...I guess you won't do coke again..."
And I was like "....what? why wouldn' i?"
Her reply: "wow Vicky you're crazy"

And I realized that I am a little bit crazy.

I've never considered myself a "bad" kid, but looking at myself I really am. I do a lot of drugs, get drunk all the time, skip school SO MUCH that I'm actually worried about graduating.

Maybe it's the drugs...maybe it's just my brain. Or maybe I've always been this way.

I don't really know...don't really care.

I am really drunk right now. Hmm...a lot of stuff is going through my head. Why isn't Amy taking advantage of me being drunk and trying to get into my head? That's what I would be doing if she was drunk and I was sober. Why? Because I'm nosey and controlling and I like to know everything.

I wonder if Amy ever misses anything about her ex. I wonder if she misses her smile or her kisses or the way she used to say her name. Hmm...

Why am I so curious?

Why am I so weird?

How can anyone like someone as weird and annoying as me?

I don't understand...

Why isn't Kylie online to yell at me for getting drunk????

It's 4:35 AM and I woke up because the pain in my tooth is terrible. I took some pain killers, but I can't possibly sleep until they kick in and this stops throbbing and aching. It's bad enough that I want to cry. I'm scared to get a root canal, but I can't wait for this tooth to stop waking me up at night.

Sometimes I wish Amy would wake me up in the middle of the night just to tell me she loves me. Or to give me a kiss. Or even to have sex. I like spontanious things like that. But once she falls asleep, no use. No use cuddling, kissing, telling her how beautiful she is. I guess I can do that stuff for myself, but sometimes it would be nice if I got something other than a shove in the ribcage and her telling me to stop. Oh well, I guess really this is stupid and doesn't matter.

I have to pee, but I don't want to go downstairs. I should have taken that tylenol with codeine again, but I was afraid it would make me tired for school tomorrow. 

Owwwwwwww......this sucks!

Nobody knows about this journal. It's kind of cool and personal. I wonder if I'll get any friends. Maybe I'll be a livejournal loser with no friends. Hahaha...I still have to figure out how this thing works.

How do I make friends?!

I'm sitting here high as fuck. My girlfriend fell asleep on me after we had sex so now I'm high , alone, with a laptop. I guess I decided to create a livejournal to have somewhere to write where I can say whatever I want.

I really love listening to Les Claypool when I'm high. Every time I hear something new.

I want to roll so bad. I hope I get to this weekend.

I was just looking at one of Amy's old journals and I looked at all of the pictures of her and Jennifer and all the things she said about her. About how much she felt for her and how much she loved her and they were meant to be. I mean I know that when you break up, that changes. I just don't think she's completely over her yet and that bothers me. I know Amy swears up and down she's over her completely, but she woudln't tell me if she wasn't. Besides, I think she honestly thinks she's over her, but I just don't think she is. She spent so much of her life with that girl and she was heartbroken for so long and chased after her for so long. We started dating so fast and Amy was still in love with Jennifer when we started dating. I know that because I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. I know she doesn't love Jennifer anymore and I know how much she loves me, but it's only been 3 months and she never had the proper time to get over Jennifer like she should have. I mean I'm not complaining and I knew what I was getting myself into. I guess I'm just curious about their relationship and I just want to know everything. But I'm very jealous and upset at the same time. It's mixed emotions really...

I ramble.

Right now my neck hurts and I'm almost tired. I took some tylenol with codeine not too long ago. Thank God I don't have to go to school until 10 tomorrow. I'm going to smoke some more and try to figure out how to set this thingy up. Can anyone help me out?

I wonder if anyone is going to read this.